Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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