Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
