could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize