oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize