Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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