the new term for farting is butt boxing.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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