Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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