i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
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