we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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