So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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