is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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