in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
