some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
