you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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