I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
