i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
