I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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