Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize