Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize