Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
