And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize