Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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