He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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