Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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