I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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