I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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