I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Too much gin, very little bucket
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
