those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
