I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
