I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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