complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
