you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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