My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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