What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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