Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
