My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
