just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
