I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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