I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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