Betty ford says i'm here all night
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
