I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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