she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
