Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
