This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
