Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
