your parents love me but you hate me
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Still dying that you shit outside
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Randomize
