Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
This can only be settled by a dance off.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
