Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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