last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
