Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
