You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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