never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
