All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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