You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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