Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
