Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
