I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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