I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
