i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
vagina is talking i cant
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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