In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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