i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
