My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
