now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I bet he comes in French.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
