I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
