WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
is that a dick in a sweater?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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