Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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