We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
