Sponge bath it is.
kristin has been a bad kristin
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
