More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
