Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
