You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
