I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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