i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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