'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
