i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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