I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
