I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
