4 words: hood of his car
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
