I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
