I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Randomize
